The first Valentine's day I didn't feel alone even though I was single

February 14, 2011
I went to the VR and had 4 1/2 hours of testing done some reading, math, spelling, a few questions were asked about history and IQ. I ended the day at the VR taking a true/false booklet that I am guessing is supposed to help determine whether or not I really have bipolar like I have said so we can go on with the rest of the process in trying to find a job.

After the VR I came home then went to NAMI with my parents. I really enjoyed splitting into groups-mainly because it gave me the opportunity to talk with this guy who comes to NAMI occasionally who seems to have it put together. However I know in the back of my mind that NAMI wouldn't be the place to find someone to go on a date with. I guess I just long for someone who understands who will be there. I long for someone who gets it and maybe just someone, anyone at all. But I am trying to not let "just anyone" into my life right now unless I am sure they are positive in my recovery.

Anyway I kind-of broke down on the 14th and 15th even though yesterday all I did was go see my psychiatrist being stuck in 5:00 traffic-stopping and going-really got my anxiety worked up. I think these past two days have been a lot more busy than I am used to- I mean I know they have been. I guess it really upsets me because I have been craving days like these past two days that are filled with things to do and places to be but once I got it I couldn't handle it. I know none of this is helped by the fact my period started on the 14th but I still can't see how I am so close yet so far at times. That is one of the things I hate most about having bipolar it's almost as if the moments I am doing well make me think I am there and I am good to go for awhile then the next thing I know crash I am literally on the floor in the kitchen crying not knowing what to do again.

I don't know? Dr. P has increased my Triliptal a bit so hopefully that will help.

I'll keep you posted!
The Flying Fish